Growing up in a Christian, faith-based home in the 80s and 90s came with its unique set of values. If you were like me, you heard the phrase "What Would Jesus Do?" (WWJD) on repeat, listened to Christian radio, read *Guideposts* articles, and might even remember *Adventures in Odyssey*.

These teachings shaped how I approached life, with a focus on kindness, empathy, and putting others first. A song that came out in the mid-90s called “To Be a Christian” further emphasized this philosophy, and I took it to heart.
As a natural-born empath, this mindset came easily to me. I often found myself putting other people's needs before my own, both personally and professionally. I cared for three elderly grandparents, helped my brother start a business, and supported my sister's nonprofit after the loss of her daughter. I put my own goals on hold, thinking, "Once they're good, I'll focus on myself." But as time passed, I realized how much this approach impacted me. I had wellness certifications I never used and found myself being labeled as "too nice" or "not assertive enough" in my career.

While kindness is essential, I learned the hard way that without assertiveness, you can become a dumping ground for others' needs. You get overlooked, passed over for leadership opportunities, and sometimes, people even take advantage of your kindness.

Al Capone once said, “Don’t mistake my kindness for weakness,” and I’ve come to understand the importance of that statement. You can still be kind and empathetic, but to truly lead and achieve your goals, you need to embrace assertiveness. We see this lesson in countless examples—whether it's in history, movies, or even pop culture. Characters like Rick from The Walking Dead, who started as compassionate and kind, had to learn assertiveness to survive and thrive in difficult situations.

So, how can we balance both kindness and assertiveness?

Assertiveness is the key to effective communication. It allows us to express our thoughts, feelings, and needs clearly, which helps avoid misunderstandings. Assertiveness isn't about being aggressive; it's about striking a balance—standing up for yourself while respecting others.

Here are a few reasons why assertiveness is vital:

Effective Communication: It helps us express ourselves clearly and directly, avoiding confusion and creating better understanding in both personal and professional relationships.
Respect: People respect assertive individuals more than passive ones. We've seen it in movies, and it's true in real life—assertive people are seen as leaders.
Conflict Resolution: It allows us to address and resolve conflicts in a healthy way, which can lead to stronger relationships.
Healthier Relationships: When we stop enabling others, they grow stronger. Setting boundaries helps them become more self-reliant.
Confidence and Stress Reduction: Setting boundaries improves our confidence and reduces stress, helping us focus on our goals and live a more balanced life.

How to Become More Assertive

Developing assertiveness is an ongoing process—one that I’m still working on, especially in my career. But here are some steps you can take:

Educate Yourself: Understand the difference between being assertive, passive, and aggressive. Assertiveness is about expressing your thoughts and feelings in an honest and respectful way, not steamrolling over others.
Identify Your Needs: Be aware of your own needs and feelings. Know what you want to express and communicate it clearly.
Use "I" Statements: This helps you take responsibility for your feelings without sounding accusatory. For example, say "I feel frustrated when..." instead of "You always..."
Set Boundaries: Know your limits and communicate them firmly but respectfully.
Learn to Say "No": It's okay to decline requests. Assertively saying "no" is essential for maintaining your well-being.
Practice Assertive Communication: Role-playing or practicing different scenarios can help you become more comfortable with assertiveness.
Build Confidence: Work on your self-esteem. The more confident you are, the easier it is to assert yourself.

Becoming assertive doesn’t happen overnight, but with consistent practice and self-reflection, you'll find a balance between kindness and assertiveness. And when you do, you'll be more equipped to lead, achieve your goals, and build healthier relationships in every area of your life.